23 Unwritten Wine Rules Worth Knowing
Wine has invisible etiquette insiders know but never explain. Here's which rules actually matter and which are outdated snobbery.
Nobody hands you a manual when you start drinking wine. You’re just supposed to… know.
Don’t hold the glass by the bowl. Don’t order the cheapest wine. Don’t say you taste strawberry when the expert says raspberry.
Wine culture is full of unwritten rules. Some are genuinely useful. Some are outdated. Some are pure snobbery disguised as tradition.
A Wine Intelligence study found that 62% of wine consumers feel intimidated by wine etiquette, and that intimidation keeps them from exploring wines they’d actually enjoy.
Here’s the definitive guide: which rules matter, which you can safely ignore, and which depend entirely on context.
The 9 Rules That Actually Matter
1. Hold the Glass by the Stem
Why it matters: Your hand warms the wine. White wines served above 10°C (50°F) lose their refreshing quality. Sparkling wines go flat faster when warm.
The practical impact: Holding the bowl raises wine temperature by 2 to 3 degrees per minute of contact.
When to ignore it: Stemless glasses force bowl-holding. Red wine at proper temperature is less sensitive. Casual settings don’t require perfection.
2. Pour for Others Before Yourself
Why it matters: Basic hospitality. If you’re hosting or nearest the bottle, keep glasses filled. Always pour for others first, yourself last.
The correct amount: About one-third of the glass maximum (4 to 5 ounces). This leaves room for swirling and aroma appreciation.
Why full glasses look wrong: They can’t be swirled, they spill easily, and they signal inexperience.
3. Let the Host Taste First at Restaurants
Why it matters: If the bottle is flawed (corked, oxidized), the taster sends it back. That’s a host responsibility, not a guest burden.
What you’re checking for: Wet cardboard smell = corked. Sherry-like smell in a young wine = oxidized. If it smells like wine, it’s fine.
What you’re NOT checking for: Whether you personally love the flavor. That’s not grounds for return.
4. Don’t Send Wine Back Because You Don’t Like It
Why it matters: Restaurants accept returns only for flawed wine. Not liking the taste isn’t a flaw.
What’s flawed: Corked (wet cardboard), oxidized (old/sherry-like), cooked (jammy/stewed from heat damage).
What’s not flawed: “Too dry,” “too oaky,” “not what I expected.” You ordered it; you own it.
Prevention: Ask the sommelier about style before ordering.
5. Don’t Mix Red and White in the Same Glass
Why it matters: Residue from the previous wine affects the next one. Tannins from red wine alter white wine perception.
At formal tastings: Either rinse with water between wines or use separate glasses.
At home: Real life happens. If you’re opening one bottle after another casually, it’s fine.
6. Bring Wine to Dinner Parties
Why it matters: The host shouldn’t bear all the expense. Wine is the classic contribution.
Critical etiquette: Bring something nice, but don’t expect it to be opened that night. The host may have planned their wines already. Think of it as a gift, not a demand.
Budget guideline: Spend what you’d spend on a nice bottle for yourself, typically $20 to $40.
7. Never Critique the Host’s Wine
Why it matters: If you don’t like it, drink less. Commenting that you prefer a different style is gauche and insulting.
What to say instead: “This is interesting” (neutral), or find something genuinely positive (“I love the color”).
Exception: If asked directly for your opinion, be diplomatic. “It’s different from what I usually drink” works.
8. Don’t Wear Strong Fragrance to Wine Tastings
Why it matters: Perfume and cologne interfere with everyone’s ability to smell the wines. Aroma is 80% of wine perception.
The rule: At formal tastings, skip fragrance entirely. At casual settings, use light application.
9. At Tastings: It’s Okay to Spit
Why it matters: Professionals spit to stay sober enough to evaluate wines accurately. Swallowing everything leads to palate fatigue and poor judgment by wine #5.
How to do it: Spit buckets are provided. Lean close, spit firmly. No one judges.
The 7 Rules You Can Safely Ignore
1. “Real Wine Drinkers Only Drink Dry Wine”
The truth: Sweet wines include some of the world’s most prestigious bottles: Sauternes (Chateau d’Yquem sells for $400+), Port (Vintage Port can age 100 years), Tokaji (Hungarian treasure). Many fortified wines are among the most age-worthy wines ever made.
The reality: Preference for sweetness is legitimate. Master Sommeliers appreciate great sweet wines.
2. “You Must Be Able to Name Aromas”
The truth: Saying “I like it” is completely valid. The ability to identify “hints of cassis, pencil shavings, and graphite” isn’t required for enjoyment.
Professional secret: Even experts disagree on specific aromas 40% of the time in blind studies.
3. “Never Put Ice in Wine”
The truth: In hot weather, ice in rosé or white wine is perfectly acceptable. Some French wine regions do this traditionally (adding ice to Champagne is called “piscine”).
The math: Slight dilution is better than wine at 25°C that tastes like alcohol.
4. “Red Wine with Meat, White Wine with Fish”
The truth: General guidance, not law. Exceptions are endless:
- Pinot Noir with salmon is a classic pairing
- Champagne with fried chicken is brilliant
- Aged white Burgundy with veal is exquisite
- Light red Beaujolais with tuna is perfect
Better rule: Match weight and intensity, not color.
5. “Old Wine Is Always Better”
The truth: 90% of wine is meant to be drunk within 2 years of release. Only a small percentage of wines improve with age. Aging mediocre wine just produces old mediocre wine.
What actually ages well: High-quality reds with structure (Bordeaux, Barolo, Brunello), top Champagne, great German Riesling, Sauternes.
6. “Screw Caps Mean Cheap Wine”
The truth: Many excellent winemakers prefer screw caps because they’re more reliable than cork. New Zealand’s finest wines ($100+ bottles) often have screw caps.
The data: Screw caps have a 0.5% fault rate vs. cork’s 3 to 5% TCA contamination rate.
7. “Expensive Wine Is Always Better”
The truth: Price correlates weakly with enjoyment above $20. In blind tastings, non-experts often prefer $15 wines to $150 wines.
What price actually reflects: Production costs, scarcity, brand prestige, and speculation. Not necessarily taste quality for your palate.
The 7 Context-Dependent Rules
At Wine Shops
Ask for help: Good shops have knowledgeable staff who want to match you with wines you’ll enjoy. Don’t feel embarrassed.
State your budget clearly: “I’m looking for something around $25” isn’t embarrassing. It’s efficient.
Describe preferences: “Bold and fruity” or “light and crisp” is more useful than grape names if you’re unsure.
At Restaurants
Second-cheapest wine is fine: The markup is the same across the list. Pick by taste, not by avoiding perceived cheapness.
Ask the sommelier: “What pairs with the chicken?” is exactly what they’re trained for. Explore our guide to wine and chicken pairings for ideas.
One photo, not an Instagram shoot: Taking a single photo of the label is fine. A lengthy photography session holds up service.
At Formal Dinners
Follow the host’s lead: If they’re not discussing wine extensively, don’t lecture about what you’re drinking.
Share observations, don’t dominate: “This is interesting, what is it?” opens conversation. A 10-minute monologue about tannin structure closes it.
At Tastings
Take notes: It’s not pretentious. You will forget. Even brief notes help.
Ask questions: Even basic ones. Most wine professionals enjoy teaching.
Pace yourself: 8 to 12 wines is typical at a formal tasting. You need to stay coherent.
When Hosting
Offer wine proactively: Don’t make guests ask.
Have a backup option: If someone doesn’t like your selection, have an alternative ready.
Don’t apologize for your wine: “It’s nothing special” undermines your hospitality.
The Advanced Etiquette (Optional)
Decanting Protocol
Who decants: The host or designated wine steward.
What needs decanting:
- Young, tannic reds (30 to 60 minutes)
- Older wines with sediment (careful pour, minimal aeration)
What doesn’t need decanting: Most everyday wines, white wines (generally), sparkling wines (never).
Restaurant Wine Service Ritual
| Step | What Happens | Your Role |
|---|---|---|
| Label presentation | Server shows bottle | Verify wine, vintage, producer match order |
| Cork removal | Cork presented | Quick glance (not crumbled = fine) |
| Taste pour | Small amount poured | Swirl, sniff, taste, nod approval |
| Service | Guests served first | Wait for all glasses poured |
The whole ritual should take 30 seconds.
Temperature Precision
| Wine Type | Ideal Temperature | Quick Fix |
|---|---|---|
| Sparkling | 6 to 8°C (43 to 46°F) | 3 hours fridge or 20 min ice bath |
| White / Rosé | 8 to 12°C (46 to 54°F) | 2 hours fridge |
| Light red | 14 to 16°C (57 to 61°F) | 15 minutes fridge |
| Full-bodied red | 16 to 18°C (61 to 65°F) | Serve from cellar/cool room |
Room temperature is too warm for red wine. “Room temperature” was established when rooms were 16°C, not 22°C.
The One Rule That Overrides Everything
Drink what you enjoy.
All etiquette, all rules, all conventions exist to enhance enjoyment. If following a rule makes wine less pleasurable for you or your guests, the rule isn’t serving its purpose.
Wine should be pleasure, connection, and shared experience. Everything else is just details.
Use Sommo to track wines you love, regardless of what the “rules” say about them. Your palate is the only authority that matters.
Photo by Rafael Rodrigues on Unsplash
